Home truths

Today was a first. the mother of my daughter was complaining that our daughter had played up earlier and that this kind of behavior was not acceptable.  I agreed, but pointed out that this rarely happens with me, which brought out the usual response; “well, thats because she is scared of you and does what you say.” I was ready for this reply and pointed out that it may not be the fact that she is scared of me – I have never raised my hand to my daughter ever – but that it may be down to her relationship with her daughter.

I elucidated by mentioning that she never spends any time with her daughter, never plays with her, is never there for her. This didn’t go down too well. nevertheless, I pressed on feeling the pent up angst I had withheld for many months, if not years, suddenly coming to the fore. “you always go out when you should be spending time with her,” I continued. “At weekends, instead of playing with her you choose to go to the shops or wherever you go, you simply spend no time together. Its always me that has to look after her. Its your fault she reacts the way she does to you. its your problem, you deal with it.”

I think for the first time, some home truths actually resonated. I could have pointed out that despite not seeing her daughter for two weeks as I had once again taken her away on holiday recently, she had since we had returned home, spent no more than a few minutes with her at any one time. Even though she had a day off during the week, she still chose to go out all day instead of spending any time wither her daughter. Who had to stay home and look after her? I did. I don’t actually mind of course, but I wouldn’t let her know that.  I enjoy the video games we play together, at least some of them!

 

So, I do find it a little rich for the mother to complain and express dismay when ‘our’ daughter plays up to her, what does she expect?

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3 thoughts on “Home truths

  1. Maybe your wife isn’t the maternal type. There are quite a few women like that. At the best of times, women often prefer playing a role as ‘the one who cooks/puts on bandaids/mandates bedtimes’ rather than being playful. I get what you say though. Maybe you could ask your wife how she sees things and how she feels about your child, in a non-conflict way – there may be things you need to know.

    1. hi, thanks for taking the trouble to comment. I think a little more back-story is required to fill in more of the blanks. There are indeed many things I probably should know, but there is no communication whatsoever so that will be a tough call. We are also not married or associated with each other in any way other than through ‘our’ daughter.

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