There is currently a debate surrounding parents remaining together for the sake of their children and if it is a wise decision or not. The general consensus would appear to suggest that if parents are unhappy then they should separate and spare their children any possible long-term psychological damage. In truth, this debate has been raging for years, although I believe the result has nearly always been the same: ‘parents should separate for the sake of the kids’.
I have often wondered if these ‘specialists’ who make such pronouncements through the media are affiliated to a legal firm or the society of family solicitors. There is no reason why a couple -despite not getting on – should be forced to separate. There are of course exceptions as with anything but I believe separation can prove to be even more harmful to a child not to mention acrimonious and very expensive for the parties involved…in the end, the only winner is the lawyer!
For me, it has never been an option. Of course, I would like nothing more than for the mother of my child to move out leaving me to continue raising my daughter as I have always done. But she is not stupid, far from it. She has a roof over her head, will occasionally eat whatever I have cooked, has no bills to pay apart from cable TV – which I insisted on after years of hogging the TV set. her daughter is in excellent hands, why would she move out?
For my part, the only way to deal with this situation is to virtually ignore her existence. Two ships which pass through the night. One comes in the other goes out; in this case into another room. It has worked for umpteen years so far but not without some hiccups along the way. However, the advantages of adopting this strange ritual are quite significant. The complete lack of communication prevents any need to have arguments. I could probably count on one hand the number of times my daughter has heard raised voices in the house.
Yes, you do need to have a strong if not strange constitution. Tolerance in the true meaning of the word is required in bucket loads and the understanding that you are suffering this extraordinary lifestyle for a good reason: your child. It’s not easy, far from it. It would be far easier to simply walk away, but if you are a father that would mean losing the one precious thing you have and that is something I simply could not ever contemplate.
We all know couples who have called it a day and gone their separate ways. I look at those couples I know and how the impact of the father’s losing custody of their children has affected them. For some, they have simply moved on and gotten on with their lives; new partners and even started new families. I believe some of them are even happy, whilst others seem a little lost. I couldn’t do that, it wasn’t for me.
As for the sake of the child: well, behavioral problems both at home and school are quite commonplace when parents decide to separate or when there is friction within the family home…so I am lead to be believe. I can safely report that despite years of this peculiar existence at home, my daughter is top of her class, glowing school reports, extremely well behaved, yada, yada, yada. Maybe I’m just lucky, or just maybe her father’s machinations of family life have thus far proved not to have had a detrimental affect on her. I, on the other hand, well, lets just say the fermented grape and I are very good friends!